The Twilight Saga: Eclipse…

I went to the cinema with one of my friends, who is about 29 weeks pregnant. Needless to say it was her decision to watch Eclipse. It is being promoted as the “best so far” and the most “boyfriend friendly so far”, which are both true statements, but don’t let that fool you. It is complete toilet.

Pros:

  • The actress playing Victoria has been replaced by Bryce Dallas Howard. That’s not to say the previous actress was bad, but that I think BDH is hot.
  • The wolves are very cool. In one scene the dopey lead girl is standing next to Jacob when he’s in wolf form and he’s as tall as her. My immediate reaction was to think of Mouse from The Dresden Files. I sat there for a few minutes thinking how cool it would be to have a massive supernatural dog. It made the film a little more bearable.
  • There were some fight scenes, but they were a lot shorter and more anti-climactic than the trailer would have you believe.
  • I got the impression that Taylor Lautner was constantly trying not to laugh. I guess when your role in the film is “Hot guy that never wears clothes” it’s kinda hard to take it seriously. It made the film less annoying to think that perhaps the cast realize the film is total crap too.

Cons:

  • It’s crap.
  • Robert Pattinson can only do two expressions. For the majority of the time he does an expression that I like to call “coma”. When it comes to scenes that require some emotional content he switches seamlessly to “constipated”. I think he’s got a long career in hospital dramas playing coma patients or in constipation remedy adverts on TV.
  • Kristen Stewart is one down from Robert, as she only has one expression, which I will call “botox”. I suppose really it is a lack of expression. Perhaps this is the best acting in history, as I don’t think any of the greats could portray “expressionless” so consistently over 3 films. I think she should focus on “constipated” then she can join Robert in his future career.
  • Although this film is definitely the best of the lot, it hasn’t had much competition. It is bad.
  • Did I mention it is crap?

Interestingly enough, my pregnant mate thought the film was OK, but preferred Predators. :)

Cheers

Tim…