I watched Interstellar last night at a mates house.

Where to start with this film?

  • Visually it is fantastic. Lots of epic scenes. Definitely great eye candy.
  • The story is pretty basic. I won’t give anything away but there’s nothing new here.
  • According to all the stuff on the net, it is scientifically on point.

What’s my gut feel?

  • Way too long. Lots of “setting the scene” and comparatively much less of the stuff you really want out of this type of film.
  • Crazy ape-shit ending. You will be sitting there thinking WTF?

Final thoughts?



Sharknado and Sharknado 2


I watched Sharknado a few months ago and it was brilliant. I have this nagging doubt that they were serious when they were filming it, which only adds to the quality of what they produced. There are great movies, good movies, bad movies and movies that are so bad they come full circle and become great. Sharknado is in the later category.

I recently watched Sharknado 2 : The Second One on Netflix and it it really good! I mean properly good. It’s like they’ve almost made a parody of the first film. It’s just bigger, more outrageous and better.

Sharknado 3 is due out in July in the US. I hope they get it on Netflix pretty sharpish, because I really want to see it.



Fifty Shades of Grey


The wife was in town last night and decided we should see Fifty Shades of Grey. Despite having only seen each other about 4 times (including yesterday) since we got married on the boat at OUGN2014, I like to think this is not an indicator that our relationship is on the rocks…

OMG. What a terrible film!

I’ve not read the books, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. The following contains spoilers (assuming you can spoil something that is complete toilet in the first place) and some rude words. Those of a sensitive nature should not read on. You have been warned.

  • Anastasia Steel (AS) : Hi. I’m rather vacuous with low self esteem, but I’ve come to interview you because my slutty mate is ill. I would just like to say, despite being obviously attractive, I feel very dowdy and “girl next door” compared to all the supermodels you have working here.
  • Christian Grey (CG) : Wow. Despite me being a billionaire and you looking very ordinary compared to my supermodel employees, I find your vacuousness and obvious low self esteem incredibly attractive, not because I believe I can manipulate you into being my submissive or anything crazy like that.
  • Fast forward about 1 hour where nothing really happens. We see CG’s brother who is nothing like him.
  • CG : Please sign a non-disclosure agreement.
  • AS : I am relatively OK with that.
  • CG : Come and look at my playroom/dungeon. Admire all my torture devices.
  • AS : Gosh! That’s a little weird! Oh, by the way I’m a virgin who is just about to graduate from college.
  • CG : Let’s rectify that. Bish, bash, bosh, you’re not a virgin anymore.
  • Fast forward past several scenes where CG manipulates AS into believing his playroom is basically for tickling girls before having sex with them, because that’s what S&M is!
  • CG : I want to you sign a contract to become my official submissive. It’s just got a few silly rules that we will both abide by. By the way, am I allowed to perform anal and vaginal fisting on you? (WTF? A few minutes ago she was a virgin and now you are asking her that?)
  • AS : Oh. Now let me think…
  • Fast forward a bit. Meet CG’s family. His sister is Rita Ora. Is this really a normal family or am I starting to believe the kids are all adopted?
  • AS : I don’t know if I can go through with this because you are emotionally detached, but you are a bit dreamy and a billionaire. Like all stereotypical female characters, I believe I can change you into the man of my dreams. All I have to do I let you beat the crap out of me for a while until I win you over.
  • CG : Look, I’m a weirdo and get off on torturing women. That’s not going to change. When you’re asleep I’ll tell you a little about my childhood and subsequent adoption to try and justify my actions, not that you’ll know about it of course. (Wow. I totally understand why it is OK for you to torture women now… NOT!)
  • AS : Blah, blah, blah. I can’t make up my mind if I want to go through with this submissive thing. It sounds like fun in a horribly painful way and all that, but I just can’t decide. The only way I will be able to decide is if you do the worst thing you possibly can to me and I’ll see how I feel about it. Yeah. That seems like the obvious way forward for us!
  • CG : Awesome. Despite the massive array of torture implements I’ve got, the worst thing I can do is hit you with a belt 6 times. (Admittedly, this is bad, but the worst thing he can do? I don’t think so!)
  • AS : I didn’t like that. Now I’m mildly less vacuous and being beaten has somehow raised my self esteem, I’ve decided I don’t want to do this. Goodbye.
  • The End!

It’s basically Twilight for adults, but worse. OMG, did I really just say something was worse than Twilight?

For the first hour the acting was painfully bad. It was like some mix between Twilight and a “made for TV” movie. Just shocking. Later in the film, as Anastasia developed a bit of backbone, her performance got quite good, which leads me to believe she’s a pretty good actress, assuming there is something worth acting…

There are so many bad stereotypes and cliches in this movie.

Despite the terrible film it was a fun evening. Debra once described a “horror film” she had seen to me. I later found out this “horror film” was Conan the Barbarian. If someone sneezes or twists their ankle in a film, it is essentially a horror film as far as she’s concerned. There were a couple of scenes in this film that made her jump, which was hilarious.

Added to that, some of the dialog was so bad it had me laughing out loud. I don’t believe it was meant to be funny, but it was so stupid I couldn’t help myself.

Please don’t go and see this film!



Ex Machina


Nephew #2 was in a football tournament near to me and parents weren’t allowed to watch, so my brother dropped him off and paid me a visit. I don’t have furniture, so when someone comes to see me we have to go out. We decided to go to the cinema to watch Ex Machina.

If you’ve seen the trailers you will know what to expect. The plot is quite predictable and most of the themes have been covered in other films (A.I., I, Robot, Transcendence) already, but none of them really got it right in my opinion. That all sounds a little damning, but this film works! The predictable elements of the plot and slow pacing give you a lot of time to turn things round in your mind. This is definitely a thinker of a film. My brother’s not a techie and I was a little worried he would be bored, but he totally got it too.

Visually the film is amazing. Almost every scene draws you in. I’m not just talking about the CGI. The whole thing is just beautiful.

IMHO this is fantastic sci-fi. Unfortunately the Michael Bay generation will be disappointed by the lack of explosions and hate it…



The Black Hole


I was re-watching Who’s Afraid of the Big Black Hole on YouTube and I got all nostalgic about the 1979 film The Black Hole. A couple of clicks on Google Play and I bought and watched it. Flippin’ awesome!

Considering this is 35 years old, it’s stood the test of time pretty well. There are certainly a few dodgy effects on show, but most of the film looks fine. This is post-Start Wars after all. There are some scenes where people can seemingly survive in space without spacesuits, but even that could be explained away based on the tech used by the main ship I guess. :)

We definitely need more space-based Sci Fi. Can I have Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and a new FireFly series please?




The Hobbit : The Battle of the Five Armies


I’ve just got back from watching The Hobbit : The Battle of the Five Armies.

I didn’t see the previous film at the cinema because I couldn’t be bothered. I watched it on a plane some time later. When my friends texted me to ask if I wanted to see this film I started to reply no, then remembered it’s ages since I got to watch a film at the cinema with friends (I usually go on my own), so I said yes…

Spoilers below. Don’t read anymore if you care.

Basically, this feels like a montage of clips from the previous two films with some bits of L.O.T.R footage thrown in for good measure. I’m so sick of seeing a handful of people defeat an army of bigger, stronger, faster and more well armed people (orcs). I can get my head around elves being much faster and more agile. I can kind-of get my head around dwarves being solid and stronger than they look. I can’t deal with humans being able to brute-force block an attack by a giant troll because … physics!

When I see scenes of walking I think, “Not more friggin’ walking!”. When “the eagles” inevitably came I couldn’t help myself from exclaiming, “Oh for f*cks sake!” The two trilogies could have been condensed into two episodes of, “There’s a nasty thing we don’t like. Let’s send the eagles to solve our problems for us!”

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I was not very impressed with the film. This Hobbit trilogy should have been a single film. Two at the most. Making this into three films embodies everything I hate about the film industry! It was just filler shot after filler shot. Peter Jackson needs to get his head out of his ass and learn to make a film with some decent pacing.

I’ve come close to giving this a “toilet rating”, which has been reserved for Twilight films up until now…

In order to end on a positive note…

  • Benedict Cumberbatch voices were good.
  • Lee Pace looks so beautifully sinister as Thranduil. They could have made more of his part, rather than adding in Legolas in a ham-fisted attempt to appeal to the fans of the L.O.T.R. trilogy.
  • A couple of minutes of Cate Blanchett is always welcome.



PS. Like the other L.O.T.R. and Hobbit films, I think this is probably quite good to watch when you are sitting with a group from friends chatting and only paying it half your attention. I’m sure I’ll end up buying the DVD for this very purpose…

PPS. My friends liked it.

PPPS. It’s about 13 years since the L.O.T.R. was made, so I guess it’s about time for the Hollywood reboot of the series…

The Expendables 3


It’s a holiday weekend and I just got back from watching The Expendables 3.

OK. You don’t go to a film like this expecting an Oscar winning script, but come on! During the end credits, when it said “Story by Sylvester Stallone”, I thought of a scene from Boogie Nights where they discus the plot of an adult movie about 30 seconds before they start to shoot, which goes something like this…

“Enter Reed to audition for Amber. They go at it.

Dirk enters. Meets with Becky. They go at it.”

In the case of The Expendables 3, the same sort of thing must have happened, but something like this…

“Sylvestor enters the room. He shoots sh*t up..

Terry Crews enters. Sees the bad guys. Shoots sh*t up.”

It’s also worth remembering that physics works completely different in The Expendables 3 world… :)

That aside, it’s a good laugh. I’m not really sure how they can sustain the series, because really this is just a rehash of the previous two. Actually, you could probably just rearrange the fight scenes from these three films to create “new” films every year for a while. That way you wouldn’t even had to waste time filming…

Antonio Banderas, who was described by a lady behind me as, “… so damn sexy!”, played the only character that had any sort of back-story, but I always think of that cat from Shrek when I hear his voice… :)





I’ve had a day off today, so as well as swimming, starting to clear out my junk room and going to the pub to say “see ya” to a colleague who is going on maternity leave, I went to see Lucy.

Let me start by saying this is pretty much a rip-off of Akira. Not in a word-for-word copy sense, but it’s like Luc Besson watched Akira and said, “How and I take most of the main points, while trying to make it seem like I’ve written something new, but still steal a bunch of the visuals?” He then went to sleep, woke up and wrote Lucy.

Plagiarism (or derivative work) gripe aside, I really enjoyed it. I watch Akira on a regular basis, so the fact this film has a similar message is pretty neat. Scarlett Johansson doesn’t really do it for me, but she is OK in this role. It’s nice to see strong female characters kicking off. There are a few scenes that should have been modified in my opinion. I think Luc Besson disappeared up his own ass a couple of times, but on the whole it was pretty darn cool.

Added to that, they kept the time down to a pleasant 89 mins.



Dawn of the Planet of the Apes


Today’s film was Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

I really enjoyed the first film and this is a continuation of that story, set 10 years later.

The pacing on this film was pretty similar to the last one. If you are one of the people that found that too slow, you will have a similar experience this time. If, like me, you would prefer to watch the apes doing ape-stuff, rather than than seeing them going ape-shit, then this will work for you. There are action scenes, but a lot of it is movie time is them just ionteracting with each other and humans. It feels very “real” to me…



PS. My mom recently saw the previous film on TV and asked how many chimps they used for the main character when they were filming… She figured it was like Lassie, where they used about 12 dogs, each trained for different scenes in the film… I had to explain it was CGI, which goes to show the quality of this stuff…


Guardians of the Galaxy


I’ve just got back from seeing Guardians of the Galaxy.

Take note Sci-Fi movie makers! This is your competition! This is what you need to aim to outdo!

It’s very cool. It looks great. You quickly start to give a crap about the characters. It doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Favourite Character: Groot. I challenge anyone to come out of the film and not want to say, “I am Groot”, in response to any situation. :)

I didn’t really fancy it when I saw the trailers. A couple of people were talking about how good the reviews were, so I thought I would give it a go. I’m glad I did. It’s excellent!